You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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