Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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