Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
