he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
