Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
