hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
