Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
