Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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