I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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