wanna go halves on a baby?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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