Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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