I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
