He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
