i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
