...so i touched it.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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