New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
