if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
