my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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