wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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