I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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