I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck appropriateness.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize