I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
