That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
