yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
