he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
