My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
