I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
