Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
