you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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