Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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