she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
