i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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