You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
