And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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