hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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