he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
