so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My bed smells like the plague
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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