no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
