there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
