Pregnant stripper...not hot.
We got so high we made milksteak
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
