Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
