i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
