and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Fuck appropriateness.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
