There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
