how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
