i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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