My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
