My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
