I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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