I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
