Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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