if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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