If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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