you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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