He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
