i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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