Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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