Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize