I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
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