I want to make a zoo with you.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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