if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He felt like a one man threesome
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
