...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
