I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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