as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
