this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
