My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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