we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
