i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
As shirtless as possible
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
