I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
