She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
