how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
