you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
