Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
