too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
