So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
