dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
