so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
