I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
