i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
